"Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - Poison (1988) Boy, did they ever! So come with us, and explore all the times Billboard's summit of sales and popularity met the lowest common denominator. That song was never commercially commercially released, and a disco version by Rambling Willie and the Euphonics thankfully didn't chart.īut these songs did.
An awful male vocalist answered by wobbly female vocalist, an insipid wah-wah guitar and brain-drained tom fills (shamefully played by Wrecking Crew gods Tommy Tedesco and Hal Blaine), and dumb lyrics that ruin all the fun we're supposed to be having.
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For instance, I would risk any kind of bodily injury rushing to change a TV channel whenever the Three's Company theme came on. Sometimes in such a perfect shitstorm, you get all four criteria. I thought long and hard about which all-time chart-toppers meet that special criterion of songs I would rather sprint over a bed of hot coals to switch off on the radio than just let play all the way through. Such a song would have to have a high wince factor on account of a weak lyric, a dumb premise, a terrible singer, or a musical arrangement that can make a person feel as if they'd heard the brown note. Even more chilling is when those songs become the biggest-selling single in the year of their release. Since I was a wee lad raised on Top 40 radio I have been a chart freak, and part of my fascination with number-one songs stems from the sinister staying power of some of the worst songs ever published. The rush to put everything in easily digestible lists of 10 has finally come to a subject I know something about - abysmal songs that have captured the public fancy long enough to reach number one.
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